I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
