Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
