Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
