i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
