if i died would you start the facebook group?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
