I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize