Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
