Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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