When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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