I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
