Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
