we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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