someone get that fucking seahorse.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
