If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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