I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You pole danced in your parka.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
