Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
wow bdsm is so cute
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
