This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
