wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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