You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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