dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
