So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
