you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Girls should come with a carfax report
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
