he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize