Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
