its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize