I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
