For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
