So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
