All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I will pee on everything he values.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
