if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
