we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
