this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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