She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
