; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
