This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
