direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
