2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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