Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
