That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
