Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
