people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
