Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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