I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
