Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
