I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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