he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
