Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
