Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize