I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
