And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
