I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
