I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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