Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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