theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
