NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
