dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
