You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
