Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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