2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Randomize
