I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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