im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
