all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Come share oat with me in your robe
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
