What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
